Meeting Minutes
Torch Club of the Fox Valley
10 May 2018
Atlas Coffee Mill & Café
Notes taken by: Jude Kuenn
Attendees: Karen Bachhuber, Jim Baumbach, Sue Bennett, Marcia Debbink, Mary Flanagan, Paul Freiberg, Jean Hedges, Walt Hedges, Jean Jepson, Barbara Kelly, Bill Kelly, Jude Kuenn, Cam Maurice, Mary Paulson, Richard Schoenbohm, Bob Swain, Helen Thiel, Peter Thiel, Donna Weis
Guests: Beth Bushaw, Brian Bushaw, Denny Dougherty, Terri Dougherty, Kris Stahl
BUSINESS MEETING
Meeting called to order at 6:37pm.
- Guest Introductions: Richard introduced Beth Bushaw and welcomed Brian Bushaw to his second meeting; Mary introduced Denny and Terri Dougherty, and Walt re-introduced Kris Stahl to her second meeting. All were welcomed to the evening.
- Meeting minutes from 4/12/18 were accepted, motioned, seconded and approved.
- Treasurer’s report: 5/03/18 balance was $2,646.86.Expenses included hosting three guests for dinner at April’s meeting, and books purchased and donated to the Appleton Public Library in honor of Webb. Report was accepted, motioned, seconded and approved. Barb routed IATC’s club membership roster for each to review and make changes. Proposal was made for any new Chapter members to join 7/01/18, and pay half of the annual dues. It was accepted, motioned, seconded and approved.
- Unfinished Business:
A. Paper Schedule for 2018/2019 Torch Year: there are four slots still open for next year’s talks. Walt circulated a sign-up sheet for those interested in presenting a topic.
B. Memoriam for Webb Shaw: Barb brought the four books selected by APL. Katie loved the choices and mentioned to Barb that Webb would have enjoyed each of them.
C. IATC Convention and Annual Meeting Delegate: Donna will attend this year’s event in San Antonio, June 21-24, 2018. IATC will reimburse the club $300 for delegate’s attendance. And, as was done last year, we will reimburse Donna $200 for representing The Torch Club of the Fox Valley. Paul signed Certificate of Delegates for Barb to submit to IATC.
D. Vacant Officer Role – Secretary: with Sofia’s relocation to Florida, Paul reiterated the position of secretary is open. Please talk with him if interested in completing the second year of office’s two-year term. - New Business:
A. Christina Button Remembrance: Paul passed around a card to sign and invited comments. Those who spoke said Christina was a lovely person. Proposal was made for a memorial gesture in her honor, something special. It was accepted, motioned, seconded and approved. Mary and Jim to make recommendations. Jude to mail card to Al.
B. Picnic at Kelly’s Thursday August 9th: email to be sent in July. Plan to bring a dish to pass; Barb and Bill to provide beverages. Club to support evening with $100 to Kelly’s for any related amenities. - Announcements:
1. Bob mentioned a recent article in the New York Times on an Amish family, relative to his April presentation.
2. Mary shared Cam will talk at one of next season’s Noonhour Philosopher’s meetings.
3. Kris Stahl submitted her Torch member application to Walt. - New Member Voting:
Along with other guests, candidate Kris was invited to leave the room so a vote could be taken on submitted application. Should other applications be received during the summer break, a proposal was made for the Board to ‘vet’ any other candidates. This was accepted, motioned, seconded and approved.
Business segment adjourned at 7:05pm for dinner.
Barbara Kelly: Things to Say and Not to Say
This paper was about things to say, not say, do and not do when encountering the seriously ill, dying, or grieving people. So much has happened in the last year and a half to me and to many other people I know.
Important highlights:
Don’t burden the patient with your own feelings of distress, although it’s fine to say, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of interacting with a person with cancer, it’s better to say, “I don’t know what to say” than to say nothing at all or to avoid the person entirely, who may then feel abandoned and think you don’t care.
Many people there reacted to a New York Times article, entitled “How to Speak Grief” by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Brinker, a great glossary of words and phrases around grief. “Ambiguilt” was one. The feeling of ambivalence at the death of a family member. The push and pull between relief at being free of caregiving and mourning the loss of a loved one.
A lot of what works and what doesn’t, for both the ill and the grieving, is about knowing the person you’re talking to and helping them the way you think they want to be helped. Lots of the lists of things not to do or say include not just popping up at their doorstep with food or flowers or something. But I know some people who really appreciate that, far more than the more reserved “what can I do?” or “Is there anything you need?” or the burdensome “Let me know if you need anything.”
Some people dismiss “sending prayers”, others are strengthened by that.
Some want to be left alone, some want the company of others a lot.
Know the person, know their priorities, show you care, …. Listen.
The evening adjourned at 8:47pm.
Next meeting is Thursday 9/13/18.